You go through so many emotions when you grieve, at the moment I am just numb. I feel bad because I am not sad and I am not angry with anything. I can’t cry either, I am just numb. I think I have just pushed my feelings down so deep at the moment so that I will stop hurting for now. I have another hurtful weekend coming up with Mothers Day on Sunday. I think last year I didn’t try to begin to think about the years ahead on Mothers Day’s as we just didn’t ackowledge it at all last year. I know I am a mum and that I gave birth to our little boy and held him for two days in the physical world and will continue to hold him forever in my heart – but I can’t help but think what people will think when we go out for tea on Sunday night with our mums. People will think that Drew and I are just taking our mums out for Mothers Day and not think that I am also a mum too as our son won’t be with us. It is so cruel. Sometimes I questions whether I am a mum as I am not looking after anyone so I’m not really but then I think about Luke and know that I surely am his mum. Bring on Monday.
who cares what other people think, we know the truth and that is that you are a very proud Mum but unfortunatly you cant physically show that love, but mentally it oozes out of you….and it always will as our little boy will always be the apple of his mum’s eye xxx