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Archive for December, 2006

Bring on 2007…

Drew and I survived another Christmas without our son… tough day with your brain going a million miles an hour continuously…. wondering what could of been, knowing what other families are experiencing that we are missing out on, trying to put on a happy brave face for the family who have absolutely no idea how badly your heart is breaking while they are bragging about other children… boxing day sucked too, my Nan died.  Dear Nan is at peace now without anymore pain and back with Poppy.  Nan was a tough old cookie with a huge heart and an honest voice.  I will miss her.  Funeral tomorrow, that will be tough, 2nd funeral since Luke and mum says they are burying her in a white coffin too, blah. 

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So pleased my Drew is home safe and sound from St Marys.  I hated him being down there at risk.  Fires are still going butthey are controlled so fingers crossed he won’t have to take off down there again.  Nearly all better from my cold, sounding almost normal again and my last mouth ulcer almost healed.  Back to work tomorrow to catch up on two weeks of postponed appts.   7 sleeps until Christmas, hurry up and get it over with, too many dramas this year and couldn’t care less if it even happened.  I just wish I was organising an awesome day for my 20 month old son with lots of pressies for him open and his grandparents spoiling him rotten.

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Strike 7 and counting…

Strike 6…Well I’m back (well still) on the sick couch, back to the dr yesterday as I feel the same as I did last week and I have finished my course of antibiotics.   Dr says, got a fever, got back asthma, now got a secondary infection somewhere making me so ill.  Back on another dose of antibiotics and a special ventallin to add to my normal one and more rest. I am so over feeling so lousy.  Update on Strike 5….Went to see Nan yesterday briefly before I went to the dr as they haven’t given her many more days, I didn’t want to risk her getting my cold but I think it is too late for her anyway.  She looked ok, had the horrible death colour in her face and knew who I was but it was hard.  She just sat there looking down at the ground not interested in talking or anything, she must be sad, knowing she is going to die.  Strike 7….. St Marys is on alert for fires so my husband is down there all alone after kicking his mum out of her house with her special possessions while he waits and watches the embers and debris from the surrounding fires land in their backyard.  I hate it, I hate him being down there at risk.  I don’t know what I would do if I lost him too.  I am stressing flat out and I didn’t sleep much last night worrying about what he was doing and what was happening.  Wish I could do a rain dance.

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Up to Strike 5…

Well I hit strike 4 yesterday morning, 3 days late (usually like clock work as a rule), getting a tad excited deep down but then my period arrives with avengence.   Strike 5… mum calls to say that Nanna is so sick that they have taken her off her med’s as her body is riddled with gang-green and all they can do now is just dose her up on morphine until she dies which could be today, this week, next week, the week after, who knows.  Poor Nan, I hope she doesn’t suffer any more and goes peacefully.  Now the waiting game again, the worst feeling in the world, waiting for loved ones to pass away while being drugged up on morphine.  Little sweet Luke could only fight for 2 hours once they had taken him off the machines.  I will never forget the look on his dear face when he was gasping for his last breaths…. I felt like such a failure as I sat there not being able to help him, just holding him and kissing him…. so heartbreaking…so wrong.

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Strike 3…

Well I am now stuck at home with a terrible head/sinus cold.  I have had a permanent headache for 3 days straight and the panadol isn’t even touching the sides of it.  So I guess this is my 3rd lot of bad luck (for this set anyway).  Bring on some good stuff now please, over the bad luck.  Heading back to the sick couch now.  

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