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Archive for March, 2007

Finally…

I finally met my friends little boy Riley on Thursday after all of this time.  It was nice, he is so small at 5 mths old still only wearing size 0000 which are still a bit big for him.  Our Luke almost didn’t fit into a size 0000 when he was born.  Riley is doing really well considering his early arrival as written about it this post  https://griefrollercoaster.wordpress.com/2006/11/07/im-back/  and I am so pleased for his mum and dad who must’ve gone through so much in the beginning.  I didn’t have a cuddle this time but maybe next time I will be ready. 

I wish I could help my close friend M, she is going through so much at the moment and I wish I could send away all of her stress and burdens for her.   I hope she finds the strength she needs to be honest and takes care of herself.

I am still so over waiting for Monday to come, it is doing my head in, I just want to know that everything is ok.

It’s only 38 sleeps now until our cruise around the South Pacific, disappointed that I won’t be able to eat the fresh prawns/seafood and drink cocktails while the sun goes down on the ship but it is only a small sacrifice in the big scheme of things if we get to bring home our 2nd child.

Do you like my new blog, I took this photo when D & I were on a holiday in 2004 at Hervey Bay on a whale watching boat.  What a gorgeous sunset, we had a lovely day that day. 

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Hurry up Monday…

I hate waiting, especially when it comes to finding out some very important news.  I am too frightened to get excited about being pregnant or talk about it too much until I hear or hopefully see the heartbeat on Monday.  How do I know it’s just not a chemical reaction happening because of all of the drugs in my system giving me the positive HCG levels.  What will I do if there is no heartbeat on Monday, D is so excited already and I am so afraid that his heart will re-shatter all over again and his dreams will crumble around him.  He kissed my tummy the other night when he came over for a cuddle when we were watching tv and I burst into tears as I am just too scared to think happy thoughts yet and it also reminded me of how he used to kiss my tummy when little Luke was safe and snuggled up in there.  Every twinge, every cramp I think uh-oh here we go and going to the toilet is also scary, dreading what will be on the toilet paper each time I go.  Come on Monday, I need some reassurance that everything is ok. 

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Update…

All is ok, doctor confirmed everything this afternoon and check my blood pressure blah blah… no blood tests yet until after I see Ob on 2nd April.  Hate waiting that long to see her but if they aren’t rushing me in that means they aren’t stressed so I won’t be.  Very tired and heaps of headaches but I’m going well.  Thanks for the well wishes, I really appreciate your comments.  I am still terrified!!  I am almost too scared to talk about it in case I jinx myself and bad things happen.  I know bad things can happen and that is life, I just hope I’m not the 1 in 3 that it happens to.  Working at home going great, still very busy but not having to leave home at 7.30am every morning has to be an improvement. 

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OMG…

I survived my week on Cape Barren Island, what a gorgeous spot it was, might try and add a photo if I can work it out…if you don’t see a photo you know I couldn’t do it!  I worked like a trojan all week 8am-7.30pm every day and then crashed every night from mental exhaustion.  Got home to my excited husband and doggies all waiting at the airport for me… so cute. 

Now for the OMG section….I was really disappointed as I had a slight pink tinge on my toilet paper Friday morning and being 7 days late so I knew AF was on her way.  But alas, no more sign during the day so Sat morning I decided to do the dreaded pg test….I just done what I had to do and jumped back into bed… D said did you remember to do a test…I said yeah it’s on the bench in the ensuite… D got up to go to the toilet a few minutes later and said “what is it supposed to read”… I said “well it will be a minus sign like usual but hopefully it will be a plus sign for a nice change”… He paused and said, “babe, it’s a plus”…. I sat up and said “What! Show me!!”.. He brought it out and sure enough our plus sign was sitting there.  We couldn’t believe our eyes and just sat there stunned and in shock.  At 8am D went to the local supermarket to try to buy a different brand but they didn’t stock pg tests.  At 9am D went to the local chemist and we tried again with a different brand (pressure was on for an on demand pee!) and before I had even had the chance to pop the cover on the end two pink lines appeared…. OMG…. we are going to have another baby.  How exciting… How terrifying…. How bittersweet… so after 9 months of tablets, temp tests, blood tests, it has finally worked.  I will ring Ob tomorrow to find out what happens next.  Fingers crossed that we get to bring home a beautiful healthy baby for keeps.  Thank you Bubby Luke for helping this to finally happen, we love you and miss you so much and wish you were with us to meet your little brother or sister xxxxxx

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Lurkers..

I see my stats rise every day but I only get the same people commenting.  Come out of the darkness and say hi.  It would be nice to know who is lurking around my blog site.

I am a tad nervous, heading off to Cape Barren Island for the week tomorrow morning for work.  It is just me and the pilot in a small plane and I am terrified that something bad will happen.  I have never been before and I have absolutely no idea what is on the island!  I even have to take my own food as the barge (I know) doesn’t come in until later in the week and I am staying is the house built for the local nurse!!  Wonder if they have dinosaurs?  Just kidding.   Anyway taking the camera as I am sure it will be beautiful scenery.  Talk to you all next week….. 

Still no sign of AF, I bet she comes tomorrow morning just to make my first day on the island a miserable one.  She usually comes with vengence!!  Fingers crossed she doesn’t turn up at all!!

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Change of career..

I resigned today as an employee of G and am now a sole trader on my own business as at 3.30pm tonight.  I am excited but nervous about the future and what it entails but I am sure it will all be good.  I will be still contracting to G and dealing with the same clients but at least I will be able to look after my health and then hopefully fall pregnant again.  Still no sign of AF, fingers crossed this will be our month.  I (gross but I have to share) threw up in my mouth this morning driving to work and had to swallow it again, don’t you hate that burning gross feeling.  Maybe it’s a sign, maybe it was just my breakkie toast!  AF due anytime now, 11th last month, 7th month before that, 8th month before that, so who knows what day I am actually due. 

Sending my love to my dear friend MA who lost her twins 12 mths ago this Saturday, I hope her day is peaceful,  full of love and sweet memories of her babies.

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Got my results back from last weeks’ CD21 tests, prolactin up a bit from last month at 395 but still in the normal range and my progesterone is way up at 52 so I definitely ovulated again this month.  I guess I can thank Clomid for one thing, I won’t thank it for the weight gain though, how depressing!  I have another cold – I think I am just a permanent germ!  I guess my body is just really run down and I can’t wait until I am working from home so that I can get my immune system healthy and then maybe we will be able to fall pregnant again.  Fingers crossed I may already be (just)…. the waiting game begins again. 

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