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Archive for August, 2007

Hi

I have had a nice week.  Finally got to see my parents for the weekend and had a lovely relaxing time catching up with friends and family too.  Called in to see a friend on the way home and spent a couple of hours catching up with her, which is also really nice as I haven’t been much of a friend to her over the past 2 years whilst in hibernation/grief world.  MIL in hospital at the moment having some tests done and a blood transfusion, I hope she recovers quickly and they don’t find any nasties and she will be back healthy soon ready for her new life adventure.  I am feeling a bit heady today and hope that I didn’t pick up a cold at my parents after being so careful to avoid them for so long, never mind.  I will dose up on the Vitamin C and rest today and hopefully be back at work again tomorrow. 

Guess what…. we finally got our travel claim cheque in the mail today and we are happy enough with what we got back considering we could’ve got nothing.  We were hoping to get away to Melbourne for a weekend before this one is born but with packing and moving the MIL into town, bringing out ‘the baby things’ out of storage, setting up ‘the room’ and other bits and pieces going on we probably won’t have time now as it is only 9 1/2 weeks to go until we welcome our second child into the world.  Scary getting down to the single digits, but also feel that the closer we get the more relaxed I am feeling hoping that all will be ok this time. 

Fathers Day again Sunday, always a tough one like Mothers Day.  Wishing all of the “Special” Daddy’s with children in Heaven a day full of love, laughter, memories, peace and comfort.

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Update…

All is ok, my blood tests all normal (including Diabetes) and baby’s heartbeat still strong.  I have to go back for another checkup in 3 weeks and then back for a scan in 5 (she offered me a scan in 2 weeks time but I was strong and said no 5 weeks would be ok) as the scanning machine will not be operating when I next visit in 3 weeks due to school holidays.  She thinks she may do the delivery earlier than the 12th now, maybe the 7th or 8th but she will decide closer to the time.  How scary taking a week off me just like that, but I guess I will be pleased to have it all over and done with by then.  That means only 10-11 weeks to go, that makes me nervous but Ob said “C, it is my goal to get you through this, the birth, and get you home with a healthy baby at the end”.  That made me feel a whole lot better.  Simple goal really – but such a big goal for us.

On another starting point, we took the pram out of the boot finally on Sunday night and D put it together.  I was hesitant at first to get involved and just read the instruction manual from the chair – but then I braved it and stood up and had a play with the bits and wheeled it to the bedroom, felt so weird and anxious about it all. 

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Made a start…

Well I am being very brave.  We have made a start, slowly.  We bought a new tallboy for ‘the room’ last weekend, we got new curtains for ‘the room’ this week and today we went together and purchased a new pram.  I had been looking for about a month very casually but when I called D at lunch time he said, ok pick me up, we’re going together and making a decision.  I love him for that.  I am so useless at making decisions sometimes.  So we went, we braved Babyland together for the first time and we made the decision and bought a new pram (we gave the old one to a friend who’s daughter is expecting).  The new one is still in my boot in it’s box but at least it is done and I don’t have to think about it anymore.  The choices are mindboggling.  I am so proud of D for coming along with me as it is sooo hard wandering around these type of shops now, too many flashbacks of the naive, excited, curious, soon to be parents we once were, looking at everything for the first time 3 years ago.  Luckily the lady who served us knew D and was really considerate of our situation which was fantastic.  I just find it so hard still.  My dear friend M spotted me the other day in the supermarket, I was wandering along checking out the items on display until the shelves turned into baby things, I looked left, I looked right, panicked, put my head down and sped up to get out of there.  When I looked up, here M was standing at the end of the isle smiling at me.  I just laughed and said did you see what I just did.   I know I am going to have to look and buy from this isle eventually (well soon) but it all seems still raw some days.  But, I have allowed myself to start and that is a huge thing for me.  I am not interested in setting up ‘the room’ or sorting through the boxes and boxes of things in the garage yet but I said to D that I may consider it after our next scan.  We have another check up on Monday with our Ob but no scan this time.  Fingers crossed all will still be ok. 

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What a week…

I am pleased this week is over.  It started off ok, the mil came on Tuesday and she only went home this morning, that is way too long for any parent (including my own) to visit in my opinion.  Don’t get me wrong, we do get along most of the time, we are just so different and don’t see eye to eye sometimes.  DH gets on edge, my galah gets on edge, the whole house is tense when P is staying.  I was meant to be going to my parents for the weekend as I didn’t get to go last weekend for dad’s 60th but mum rang on Thurs night to say she was really sick (and she sounded it) so not to come down.  I was so disappointed and spent the rest of Thurs night and Friday in tears as I miss my mum so much and wanted to get out of my own house for a break.  The weather here has been dreadful too and I didn’t want to drive that far (3 hrs each way) in those conditions either.  But good news, I am off to a jewellery party this afternoon at a friends house, a bit of retail therapy is just what is needed.  It is nice to breathe a deep breath again and have our house back to ourselves.  I am sure D will love being home alone this afternoon too while I am out once he returns from taking P home (3 hour round trip).  We both love our own space so much, must be the only child thing.

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Family guilt…

I am sitting here feeling really terrible as my dad turns 60 next Tues (7th) and they are all celebrating tonight 4 hours away from me at our shack and I’m not there to celebrate with him/them.  I am his only child, I feel bad for not being there for him.  But, and a big but, the reason I (we) are not there is; at their usual birthday parties and I am sure this will be a big one – they drink, as many as 20 of their friends turn up (especially tonight for dad’s birthday) they smoke (inside), they dance (some have been known to fall over after one too many), they sing (even on microphones), they play musical instruments, they laugh, they talk, they have a huge supper, later on the wigs sometimes come out and the glow in the dark bits and pieces mum has collected for these fun nights.  Now I know some of you think it sounds like great fun, it is, but the only thing that has stopped us is the smoking inside thing.  Mum did say that they would ban it for the night and all go outside, but dad is a heavy smoker and is very very set in his ways so I didn’t want to put him out on his special night.  I also didn’t want to risk them slipping and sneaking cigarettes in my presence and risking myself or D getting angry and ruining his party.  Not only tonight worries me but the next morning, the next day, the cigarette smoke floating around the room, I don’t want to put myself in that type of environment at the moment.  I don’t want to take the slighest risk of hurting or permanently damaging this baby, it is not worth it.  I hope they understand my reason, it is hard for me to think that they truly do as mum smoked while having me and says that it didn’t hurt me, well how do they know that….. I get asthma – neither mum or dad have or get it, so did the smoking cause me to have bad lungs?  Anyway, this is my choice and I just hope that dad and mum forgive me for making this choice when they get to hold their next grandchild finally for the first time.  Have a great birthday party Dad,  I look forward to seeing you next week.

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