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Ever since I can remember I have walked the beach in front of our shack dreaming of the day that I have a loving husband and a child of my own to be in this very favourite spot with me.  Well after many heartaches and tears on this beach over the years I finally got to live my dream and take my husband and son for a walk along the sand on my beach.  It felt so good and I held all of my emotions so tight so that the tears didn’t flow.  It was special.  So special.  An Easter I will remember for a long time…

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Just wanted to share this priceless photo with you all.  How long we have waited for this moment and how priviledged we are to be able to read to our little boy.  Josh loves his Daddy reading to him and always has to hold on to a piece of Drew’s clothing or ear.

 We went to the clinic yesterday and nurse is still happy with his progress both physically and mentally.  He now weighs 7.06kg (15lb 9oz) and is 62cm long.  He has put on 380 gms in 3 weeks which is fabulous.  We have to take him for his 4 mth needles tomorrow afternoon and I hate having to do it.  Hopefully he will be ok this time. 

We have had a lovely month.  Exploring new things and learning new tricks.  Josh is getting very clever now holding onto things with both hands and talking (well coo’ing) and laughing.  He is adorable and being such a good boy for us still.  He has been sleeping through the night (with the exception of one every now and then) for about 7 weeks now and it is good to know that I must be doing something right.  He is obviously happy enough and getting enough breast milk to last.  His last clinic visit was positive again with his weight 6.7kg or 14p 11o and his length now 61cm and the nurse very happy with his tests.  He has grown so much and the pile of clothes that he has outgrown continues to grow as quickly as Josh.   My mum and dad have been up three times to visit since Christmas and that is amazing.  I guess their new little grandson gives them more incentive to pass those Rocky Cape Hills…. Here is another photo of our happy boy, he is so much fun x

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I haven’t been to blog for a while now.  I feel like I am in a place where good things are happening now and I don’t need to journal my depressed, sad, anxious feelings but share my happy things.  I guess that it great news.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have my sad moments when I think about what we have missed out on with our little Luke but then I pull myself together and realise we have been given a second chance with Josh and that Luke wouldn’t want me to be sad when I think about him all the time.  Josh has brightened our lives so much and we now have so much fun with him as he is getting a real little character already at only 11 weeks old tomorrow.  He is sleeping an average 7-8 hours every night and is being such a good boy for us.  I will attach another updated photo for you, he changes all the time.  As you can see from his chubby cheeks I am a good cow.  I love breastfeeding so much.  Drew gave Josh a bottle of expressed milk to see if he would take it and I felt like I was missing out, that was my job!!  At least we know if we get stuck that he will drink the frozen stuff in the freezer if need be.  Will try to post more often so you know what we are up to.  I love this photo, Daddy and Josh dressed the same which is so cute in their camouflage shorts and blue tshirts.

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Merry Christmas…

Christmas was lovely this year except for the obvious missing piece of our family puzzle.  We stayed home all day and my parents came up on Christmas Eve for 2 nights and DH’s mum came our early for the day.  We had a yummy breakfast cooked on the BBQ by DH , then the present opening and then the traditional Christmas Lunch (except for the Turkey we all decided to forfeit) followed by a lazy afternoon trying to digest all of the food.  Josh was so spoiled and knew nothing about it all but was loving all the attention and cuddles from everyone followed by the evening bath in the big bath with Daddy for the first time (so cute seeing them in the bath together).  Of course our mind always wandered back to our special angel Luke, he, we and now little brother Josh have missed out on so much with him and that will never be fair.  The should’ve beens always lingering around in the back of your brain.  I hope you all had a wonderful day filled with love, laughter and memories of those special family and friends that are no longer with us.  On a brighter note I wanted to share with you the photo of Josh in his Christmas outfit.  The hat didn’t stay as it was way to big for him.  Happy New Year to you all xxx

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Hi

I had a few spare minutes to finally catch up on everyone elses’ blogs, emails and to write a quick post.  We are all still going great.  We have had a couple of grizzly days which is a challenge and you just wish they could say, mum i’m hot, or mum i’ve got a tummy pain and it is so hard to know what to do so i just mentally crossed everything off and then just comforted him through it all.  Josh is so adorable and we love him so much.  I will again try to upload another recent photo.

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It is still a very bittersweet time for us though as with the enjoyment comes the reminders of what we truly did miss out on with Luke.  Christmas has been avoided for the past two years and this year we decided to allow ourselves to get the tree and decoration out and enjoy our first Christmas with our new son.  We found the balls I had made when I was pregnant with Luke…. one “Drew”, one “Cindy” and one “Bubby”.  That was his nickname while in my tummy as we didn’t know what we were having and he will always be “Bubby Luke”.  While pregnant with Josh, it was just “Baby”or “Little One”.  It was hard finding these balls but I just focus on what we have been lucky enough to experience now and that we have been given the opportunity to love another child in the real world just as much as we love our special Angel.  I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and I will be especially thinking of everyone who are missing their special Angels at this time too.

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D and I have lost the plot when it comes to taking photos… we have almost filled two albums already and Josh is only 4 weeks old.  They are wonderful memories though and for those who have lost children know just how precious every single photo is.  All is still going great and our little boy is still being so good.